Kasen : A Glimpse of Gain - Commentary and Analysis

A Glimpse of Gain had been formulated as an autumn kasen renku. Dick Pettit and I tried to make of it a true exercise of collaborative writing. Progress depended on how best each responded to the previous stanza by a verse which reflected Bashô's haikai style, yet somehow showed that it had been written in the west, at some time in the twenty-first century.

For efficiency one of us had to be sabaki. This fell to Dick Pettit, and so he produced a template. There had to be some kind of guidelines. However, when it came to pick each link, that was done mainly by an exchange of views. We usually chose each link out of a set of three verses proposed as offers.

The template showed that the moon / blossom / love verses were to be assigned their traditional places where it was feasible.

The aspects of the jo - ha - kyû would be closely followed. From #7 through to #30, we saw to images that pointed out a kind of urban living. Therefore, aspects such as:

A play's choreography (#7)
Parliamentary Democracy (#8)
Private property for development (#13)
Universal literacy / freedom of expression / accessibility to information (#14)
Health-conscious behaviour in the midst of the junk-food culture of the Age (#19)
Cultural / social aspects of countries coming from the same geographical region (#21)
Urban society in its vivid colours of family life, traditions and the creative arts (#23-26)

Overall, we aimed for a piece of work which showed unity and style.

Only in an extraordinary situation would we depart from the template. Such a challenge presented itself with Dick Pettit's verse,

a flare on the bluff
the first Sankt Hans fire
as light fades.

(Saint John's Eve - Midsummer night)

It flowed mellifluously through the renku-ha and read so perfectly. No stylistics about it, but pure verse. We just could not let go of it or hope that there would be a place for it later. We did not want to bank on that. It had to be # 21 even though by the rota this should have been my verse. While that part of the renku might look rather arcane, it was all done in the interest of linking and shifting.

Finally, I would like to say that we aimed for a sort of overall unity in spite of the range of people, places, events and periods of time depicted. Autumn would show to be the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

Francis Attard

A Glimpse of Gain - with analysis of season and link

a glimpse of gain
the glitter of a dewdrop
at daybreak

diamonds send lasers of light
out of investment offers

a thing said
misty moon at noonday
chill in its whiteness

no reply: the woodman
disappears among the rows

after preening
pheasant's ochres show
in its plumage

the wardrobe mistress fits
a yellow Easter bonnet

she holds the sword
between both hands, as if
it were a petition

in the Strangers' Gallery
whispered, "I can't stay long."

a cautious note
slipped in the morning box
goes astray

baffled at being called
his Dark Lady

the cold moon
races from cloud to cloud
increasing doubt

in no hurry, slim talk
of New Year's resolutions

he's promised
to take on the allotment
and built a wall

a passer-by queries
the first graffito

looking for spring
she spots a white speck
under the hedge

beachcombing to beat
the pain of low spirit

foam scuds
from wavetop to wavetop
into surf

which of the four seasons
in Buddha's obese look?

workday's over
at the vegans club, the cook
glad of his wife's cooking

comfort in jeans and slippers
a balmy summer night

a flare on the bluff
the first Sankt Hans fire
as light fades

fallen to the ground in June
ripe passion fruit

a potted myrtle
is her special favourite ...
didn't he know?

beyond the formal garden
a hollow in rough grass

in the finished sketch
Henry Moore reclines against
a Yorkshire landscape

pointing out with his pipe
highlights of the family tree

leaf smoke
in the far distance
rising wind

from shade to brilliance
footsteps on the frost

uncut weeds
in the disused graveyard
nearing harvest moon

all we see of the fox
is a tail sticking up

feather in his cap
out with the boss's daughter
and her girl-friend

mask for Carnival arrives
on Shrove Tuesday at mealtime

the drawn face
of a penitent, clean
and turned again

water boils for tea
bird song for insomnia

out early
dew on blossom and grass
hesitating

a glider takes off
into the spring sky

Related articles in this issue of Simply Haiku:
Kasen renku - A Glimpse of Gain (unannoted version)